I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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