I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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