His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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