You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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