You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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