oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
