Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
