It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
