I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
