I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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