I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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