god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
