Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
