Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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