everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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