i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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