so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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