Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
