who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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