he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
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