What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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