dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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