Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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