I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Pants are for mortals
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
