after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
