I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
