did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
