You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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