super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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