I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I hate all girls vehemently.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
