you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
