I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
