Say something about gay babies.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
