you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
