I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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