he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
so let's talk penis.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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