I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
