I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
