This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
