Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
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