you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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