dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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