he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
And then my night got REAL pukey
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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