i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
