Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
