i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
