Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
