he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
