Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
