Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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