cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
