Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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