you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
