I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
