Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
