girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
