help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
