You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
